I am looking for a friend. Someone I can tell how I feel. Every way through is shut. Whichever one I try, it is closed — there is only one open, through complete surrender and the loss of myself, through becoming a slave. Capitulation. I do not want that. Because I want to live. I still have that need to live in me. I want something from this life. And what I get is suffering. I am lying in a dark room.
I am describing this now, a few months later, and I can see what was happening there. I was not looking for a friend — I was looking for
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