The account of the four zeros had a second version. The one I wrote not for the meeting. The longer one, with an ending I did not read out loud. Inside it there was one passage that stopped me and stayed with me: the lie that I am still able to steer my own life. The illusion of control. When I made that vow I was sincerely convinced that by telling the truth and publicly renouncing sin I would come through those zeros clean. It was brave, but I lacked humility. Courage and sincerity are not enough to stand in the truth. That sentence came
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