Journal

Pablito · 16 October 2026 · ▶ 1:45

The shortcut through time

“Instead of waiting a few years until I deserve it, I can start living from that place today.”

I have a theory about forgiveness. Imagine a point in the future. A few years from now. A man who has changed, who has understood, who does not…

Pablito · 14 October 2026 · ▶ 2:41

Thorns

“A thorn is a memory with a frozen emotion inside it.”

I have a theory about pulling out thorns. A thorn is trauma understood as a memory with a frozen emotion inside it. When we hit one, the brain takes…

Pablito · 12 October 2026 · ▶ 8:21

Four zeros

“When a liar tells the truth, he is still a liar — for a moment he simply becomes an anomaly.”

I stood up at a meeting. I heard voices telling me to sit down, but I said I wanted to stand — because I have ADHD and it is easier for me to speak…

Pablito · 9 October 2026 · ▶ 2:41

Dimensions

“I had the impression I was seeing her as if for the first time.”

Something happened after we came back from padel. I had the impression that I had moved into another dimension. That I was seeing Bella as if for the…

Pablito · 7 October 2026 · ▶ 1:56

Bob’s God

“The programme is simple — it is people who complicate it.”

I asked about the thinking of Bob Smith. The doctor from Akron, co-founder of the fellowship. The programme is simple — it is people who complicate…

Pablito · 5 October 2026 · ▶ 1:58

What we want

“There is wanting out of lack and wanting out of direction. They sound identical. Inside they are two different worlds.”

I asked how we know that we want something. There is wanting out of lack and wanting out of direction. They sound identical. Sometimes they point to…

Pablito · 2 October 2026 · ▶ 3:12

Loops of tension

“Fear after the truth comes and goes. Tension only accumulates.”

I told her the truth. I said there are moments when I would like to run away from home. That I think about a new life. That this is the kind of…

Pablito · 30 September 2026 · ▶ 2:18

The diamond

“She is the diamond. She is the thing I am supposed to be guarding.”

We drove to the DIY store as a whole family. Flowers. Tiles. Screws to fix the sun lounger. On the trampolines my wife had the diamond round her…

Pablito · 28 September 2026 · ▶ 2:32

The contract

“Conditional trust. I keep to the rules — I have access. I break them — I lose everything.”

Kacper asked for a games subscription. Not for the first time. The difference is that this time he proposed a contract. Conditional trust. I keep to…

Pablito · 25 September 2026 · ▶ 2:44

The toilet seat

“The toilet seat was ready for collection. Mrs Halina helped me fit it.”

Pablito · 23 September 2026 · ▶ 2:05

The spy

“It is the story of a woman who refused to be what the world wanted her to be.”

I asked for a summary of Coelho’s novel about Mata Hari. It is not a story about a spy. It is the story of a woman who refused to be what the world…

Pablito · 21 September 2026 · ▶ 2:54

The narcissist and the mirror

“Empathy has a biological root. The difference is not in the biology. It is in the processing.”

I asked about mirror neurons. The mechanism is simple. Nerve cells that fire both when you act and when you watch someone else act. I see someone…

Pablito · 19 September 2026 · ▶ 16:34

Lying Down, Not Resting

“My heart beats calmly, and I am still afraid.”

I woke up around four and knew I was going to appear online. In make-up, in a wig. I had a whole story ready for it: why this, why now. It was…

Pablito · 18 September 2026 · ▶ 4:01

The walk

“I saw a beautiful flower. I bought it. Until now I did not feel that pleasure.”

My wife made me a toasted sandwich and ate hers sitting opposite me. Now and then she looked at me. That sentence sounds simple. It is not simple. In…

Pablito · 16 September 2026 · ▶ 2:42

The pause

“The turn came. Not spectacularly. Without fireworks.”

The turn came. Not spectacularly. Without fireworks. My wife thanked me and appreciated what I had done. That evening the whole family sat in…

Pablito · 14 September 2026 · ▶ 2:58

Thy will be done

“A real “thy will be done” increases responsibility. It does not reduce it.”

I wrote: “thy will be done” is an abdication of responsibility. The algorithm said it may be that — or the opposite. The easy version: “it did not…

Pablito · 11 September 2026 · ▶ 2:56

Into action

“Not the cosmos. Not the radio. A pause and a question — what is the next honest step?”

I am reading a passage from the Big Book. In English, with a translation. Page eighty-seven. Into Action. The text is about one thing: swap the…

Pablito · 9 September 2026 · ▶ 3:02

The reversed spiral

“I wanted a system that does not feed the loop of social validation.”

I invented a process. Observation, hypothesis, gathering knowledge through conversation with AI, a first pass of the illusion filter, conclusions…

Pablito · 7 September 2026 · ▶ 2:55

Jan’s knock-offs

“He has no originals and the other children will not trade. That is all. He did not make a crisis of it.”

Kacper went off on his bike. Borys was up earlier, making Easter decorations. Jan took his trading cards — Wednesday is swap day at his nursery…

Pablito · 4 September 2026 · ▶ 3:17

Ego

“Ego is not a bad thing. It is a system of interpretation. It is not the truth — it is a working model.”

I started looking into what the ego is. Because in the group — in that cult — it was talked about a great deal. The master used to say my ego would…

Pablito · 2 September 2026 · ▶ 3:15

Curled into a ball

“I wanted a system that produces without depending on other people’s reactions.”

For several weeks I had been building the reversed-spiral system. Observation, hypothesis, conversation with AI, illusion filter, conclusions…

Pablito · 31 August 2026 · ▶ 2:56

The wave

“A brain that had been at full throttle moments earlier came down hard.”

A crushing headache. I want to be sick. I had been out for a two-hour walk with Renata in the woods. With the dogs. I stayed quiet and listened. On…

Pablito · 28 August 2026 · ▶ 2:24

Identity and the sense of self

“I asked where the feeling of being a man comes from. Because there is Tobiasz in the family.”

Pablito · 26 August 2026 · ▶ 3:28

Apophenia

“You see more. You connect faster. And sometimes you connect things there is no reason to connect.”

I asked what apophenia is. The answer was simple: the ability to see patterns and connections where others do not. A mechanism of the brain that…